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I am amazed at how the blogging post has now became. It looked exactly like Microsoft Word.
I have officially celebrated two birthdays in Elsevier. I am more than happy here. I have wonderful colleagues and yes, I admit I love the location of my office because I can shop anytime, which means burning a hole in my pocket too.
So yes, Happy One Year Anni to me and Elsevier. Suddenly i feel so chummy with Elsevier.
Ilse Adel is on track, though still progressing a tad too slow. But I'm keeping my hopes high for this. And I super love the dresses designed by Seri (for the first collection). Perhaps because I pull off the dresses with my height and my shoulders.
Relationship wise ain't going all smooth. It's a huge gamble and coming to the 2nd week of the break up, I already collapsed last night, cried for like two hours. I'm still hanging in there, thankfully to have wonderful friends. This is really a test to my friendships, to see who is there for me and who's not.
I sincerely wish Mr Sng here all the best. I'm still secretly wishing that years down the road, he will still remember me and call me up to say he has passed his ACCA. Doesn't really matter if I'm his gf or not; At least I know my hard work has not paid off. And until now, he still thinks I broke up with him because of a little argument or I did something wrong or what not.
I always thought I was strong, and independent. But I soon realised that I can be independent, but it was all the little things that I got really reliant on. Like purchasing items from Gmarket (which I still don't know how to), pasting of screen protectors on my phone, and all the other IT related stuff. So yeah, as I thought so too, I feel I'm pretty much screwed up. And his blazer is still in my office which I used every single freaking day because the air con acted like a freezer in here, and the smell of him still lingers. Seriously, getting over a 6 year relationship is more than just "TOUGH".
Keeping myself pretty much busy right now. Planned my swim schedules, joining Swim For Hope, spending more time with Ilse Adel people and on the business etc. The only sad thing now is I have nobody to tan with or indulge in those buffet deals on groupon. I totally stopped looking at those deals.
I think I gotta learn how to focus on myself and my life before learning how to love others. Because if I don't love myself, I don't have the right to love others.
Till then.
it's been 8 long months since i've last blogged, still coming back once in awhile to look at my entries, all the way back to 2003. I'm turning 24 this August, and sure as everyone said I'm a strong woman, I just prefer to seek comfort via my blog.
I remember once talking to N about all the other girl problems my GFs faced, and then wondering how would I cope with them if it were me, and just as what any random guy would say, or assume, that I would share my thoughts with my GFs as well. However, after so many things that I have faced, with him, all these years, I realised that unlike other girls out there, I'm the silly one who bottles up everything inside me, and then would throw a bitch fit when I explode; which will make an argument worse.
Sometimes I do wonder, when would I change, to learn to open up. But every time I tried to ask myself this question, I picture myself opening that same door to that same dark room where "I open up, I would not get what I want either. And perhaps it would even make him angry, and then I would be even more upset" and without trying, I just entered that room. I never failed to not try walking to other doors. It's like even if someone walk right up to me and slap me in the face, it still wouldn't change the fact that I will bottle up all my problems in me.
Friends always tell me that N and I seemed like the mature one because I never did grumble anything about the relationship to them, prolly once or twice sometimes, when a girl or two tries to be funny, thinking that our relationship has space for a third person. I always seem to be the strong-willed one who can face all sorts of rubbish being thrown at me, but the fact is, I am still a girl and I am still childish in my own way AND I will still throw a bitch fit when I feel I've bottled up enough. Feeling all emotional all of a sudden, feels like the Tuesday blues are kicking in.\
Looking forward to this coming Saturday, it's our 64th monthsary, and I can also finally remove my stitches (if anyone is ever reading this and busybody enough to know, you may try asking me and I may tell you why I had this 7 stitches on my fingers, which are still hurting like a crazy bitch despite this being the 3rd night).
This relationship has been crazier than a roller coaster ride, but after everything that had happened, I then realised that my love for N really has no boundaries (yet), and the power of love can sometimes be too much for me to handle. The world thinks that he loves me more than anyone else, even more than that of how much I love him. But little did everyone else not know, that my love for him is that much, as well.
It's the 2nd day of 2012, I'll skip the new year resolutions, I'm not young anymore, so let's just face the facts, and think back a little before getting hit by reality that it'd be another working day tomorrow.
In 2011, I...
1. celebrated CNY, gave half of my red packet money to mum because, like every other year, she threw a buffet dinner on the 1st night of CNY.
2. took a day off work to celebrate Valentine's Day with N.
3. sent the same resignation to the same boss twice. She made me stay the 1st time, but I really hate the working environment and the people so much, I started to dread working, and loathed that place even more, but didn't know how to open my mouth for a 2nd resignation, I prayed hard everyday that I would unknowingly make a stupid mistake so the boss will blast at me and that would be a perfect timing to submit my resignation letter (FYI, she's a total bitch and she screams at anyone who doesn't does things her way, be it for good or bad). True enough, I was really blasted one day, and I submitted my resignation letter an hour later after calling my mum and ranting at her what a bitch the boss was.
4. had to admit I had a cool mum who went "just resign la. not as if you need the money anyway." I'm not being a spoilt brat here but she's really amazing for giving me the courage to submit my resignation and I didn't spend much of my parents money because I had my own savings =)
5. was jobless for 4 months because I rejected an outsourcing company who wanted to place me in MSD but keep pushing my pay lower, I got sick of it and said BYE.
5. did not regret being jobless because I spent quality time with my mum and loads of lunch and dinner hours with N when he was at work.
6. convocation! all my lovely friends who came down and took pictures with me, and the flower bouquets from my sissy and GFFs. I felt so proud donning that mortarboard though Singapore is flooded with degree holders. I'm the princess of the family and my parents could finally have one load less off their shoulders.
7. planned N's birthday and it was a blast. I planned him a bbq surprise for a month and am thankful to his co-operative friends and colleagues as well as his 2nd brother.
8. took part in NTU sundown swimathon, 7am-7pm, swam until my back gave way, every move was awfully pain, but worthwhile because team monsters got THIRD! my only medal when I represented SIM.
9. did acupuncture for the 1st time and never felt better!
10. celebrated all the birthdays of my loved ones, and all my GFFs got a red packet from each other to each other on our birthdays respectively.
11. got a job as Analyst, 02C just 2 weeks before my birthday. I had to face it, working with people who has higher qualifications would mean more logic and reasonability, rather than to hear one screaming and yelling every other day. I could work better with a cleaner, larger, and quieter working environment.
12. had a welcome lunch from the company at tung lok seafood at OC, it was buffet lunch so I had my fill, of sashimi and other good food.
13. had 2 birthday cakes, 1 from the co, the other from my GFFs after my birthday celebration at marche and than drinks at alley bar.
14. had never been happier being in Elsevier.
15. wish to be offered job rotation and offered position overseas (still on my 2012 wishlist)
16. joined Ilse Adel, finally my own investment to feed my high expenses and maintenance.
17. became more independent, less reliant on N, but more reliant on my mum. Hugged everyday before I leave for work.
18. witnessed how grandma left us and came back again, how she drifted in and out, how her heartbeat dropped to zero. And even dreamt of her after her passing 2 weeks later. Perhaps she missed my mum but couldn't get into her dreams and me, being the vulnerable one, dreamt of her instead and how she enjoyed my mum's companionship.
19. would always check the calendar for public holidays for those are the days I get to rest, besides weekends.
20. zoukout 2011 at siloso beach. I gotta admit I'm aging really fast. I can't hold my liquor that well anymore, and I can't dance the whole night despite wearing slippers, not heels.
21. Christmas eve well spent with cousins, they never fail to crack me up like an egg, especially for Percy being the only guy amongst the roses.
22. Christmas was spent at N's older sister's place, and we got to play pool and watch a movie. I love having dinner there, they gave me the warmth only my family can give; united, and loved.
23. New Year's eve was the most screwed up day ever, and somehow, I had a mental block whenever I tried to picture this scene in my head and what caused me to have this 7 stitches. N told me it's better to have this block and not remember a thing. Suddenly feel I'm suffering from some mental illness *roll eyeballs*
I hope 2012 would be a better.
Gonna kick start the year with year end closing at 2pm tomorrow, followed by lifesaving chalet, 64th monthsary, moving house back to serangoon gardens, celebrating the youngest GFF birthday, CNY (though not celebrating because gramps just left us). Busy month ahead but I know everything would just fall nicely into place. I'm being positive.
Finallu, I just hope I could stick to my habit of blogging, and back to reading the good books and coffee over the weekends =)
I realised i havent been updating since CNY.
To sum it up...
1. I've officially graduated from SIM.
2. I've been jobless for a month; resigned due to lousy future career prospects and the salaried VP screamed at me (like hey, screw you too!)
3. I've led a tai tai life for the past month, chaffeur-ing my mum around to run errands. We go shopping and yum cha together, so it's just eat and get fat!
4. Been living at hougang green condo directly opposite the IMH, for like 2months now and damn, i hate this place, and the pool is so small for a swimmer like me!
5. I no longer drive a yellow hyundai getz. I'm currently driving a orange kia rio.
6. I'm officially going back to part time coaching from this sunday onwards.
7. I'm starting to feel a little stressed about being jobless but part of me wants to continue to be a tai tai.
8. I got my sec school senior (Adeline Chan) to take grad photos of me and baby at Marina Barrage.
On a side note, special thanks to those who came down to SIM just to take photos with me in my grad gown:
1. Bimbotic sissy Kathlyn
2. GFs Olivia, Michelle, Joanne, Estella
3. Lifesavers Lynne, Austin, Eric, Hong Min, Esther
4. DADDY & MUMMY!
Went bukit merah pool to tan today. Weather's sucha bitch, ended up chilling at the coaches room.
Met baby at night, showed him Babarella's funny videos. Was lying beside him when he pulled me close, and started singing "Two is Better than One". I'm more than just glad in fact, that he's still so sweet despite being together for almost 5years.
I wish everyday can be like today. Brekkie with mum, tanning with sissy Kathlyn, snoozing in baby's arms. LIFE IS GREAT ain't it?
Till then!
so im back to blogging, but feeling lazy because i'm at work and it's only chu san of CNY. my assistant has went back to m'sia and will only be back on wednesday. i feel so helpless with all the outlets calling to add orders etc, i think my assistant store manager is pissed as well.
ok nuff' said about work.
let the pics do the talking.
CNY Day #1
Purple lace dress from supre. Paired it with shorts cause' i've got long legs that turns the dress into a top -.-
was wearing a skirt before that when i headed to the temples and grandma's house.
at my 2nd youngest uncle's place. love anna sui! =DDD
say hi to Chloe Chua, my neice; taken in my room while the other nieces were pinning down percythepig and laughing away.
CNY Day #2
pink top from supre as well. shorts from f21; it may look simple, but the seam of the pockets front and back are line with braids =)
don't know what's with me but i just decided to "go simple" this chinese new year. oh yeah, i'm wearing a top from supre today as well! i've been wearing supre tops since reunion dinner. and i still have a new leotard at home, perhaps for tomorrow's date =/
going to nel's place to bai nian later, and then get my nails done!
french french french french french!
i haven't been blogging for a long time now, i feel an urge to do so today anyway, during work. best time ever =) after doing some supre shopping online, trying to consolidate orders. it's amazing how people don't really know of this brand, of course to me, it cannot be compared to victoria's secret. but supre's a brand that sells really reasonably priced items, and suepr cheap sales items, and from aussie =) which in fact all these online shopping has really drained my pockets, and i really dont bother to shop for clothes whenever i go shopping. i either 1. view shoes or 2. view bags. and i realised i have a new found fetish, blazers!
so anyway, yesterday was our merry 52nd month, and the verdict of whether or not our relationship will continue, will lie in his results. if he pass all, he'll move on to get a diploma, of course, with me around. if he fails, buh-bye. many people has been telling me not to do so but i have waited for years, and even gave him another chance when he screwed up the 2009 exams. i can't rely on a fisherman for the rest of my life, especially when i'm moving on to ACCA later this year.
i know i'm mean, but 25% of me hope he feels so i can leave; i have no idea why, but perhaps i just want a time out, like really be single and 1. know how it feels like, 2. enjoy the freedom.
the remaining 50% of me hope he passes because i don't wanna step out of my comfort zone. i really like how we spend this relationship together, the intellectual conversations we share, the way i can never solve stupid mind boggling puzzles ans always feel so entertained to see him do one, and many other things that we have been through; the stuff perhaps only amanda, julia, eric and kathlyn knew, secrets are meant to be kept.
as for the last 25%, i'm just trying to stay neutral, in which i have been over the past few days eversince he knew that results would be out on monday. he was the one who hid a tear behind every smile despite all my silly actions which even made him laugh. i can't change a fact that we were really happy together despite that 1001 disagreements we had. and i can't change the fact that our love is strong, but unable to face up with reality, as quoted by him. come what may, as promised, we'll still go JB together at the end of this month for food and shopping, and we'll still celebrate valentines day together. what's ours, will be ours. it's meant to be.
nuff' said, i really do love him, and i know he loves me too =)
anyway, the times i slacked in the toilet over at the next block, here's what i was doing. my dress down outfit yesterday. it was the granny dress from supre but because it was too short for work, i paired it with a bandage skirt over from J2CLOSET's blogshop, and cardigan from f21. seriously, i looked as if i'm gonna party after work!
us! using the app "lovely cam" while waiting for the train to bugis.
republic of steak - bugis junction - home sweet home.
7th may just be another random dating day for us, we were together for 52 months, where there's no where else to go to, or nothing significant to be celebrated unlike the yearly anniversaries. i still enjoy his companionship, together with good food =)
sometimes, simplicity is bliss.
here's to you meaty bear. merry 52nd =)
it's almost a month since i've been in this company. and i've heard too much stuffs to begin with, but i'm kinda enjoying the office entertainment for now. but it's time to stay neutral and just stick to my responsibilities and stay the usual helpful me.
so far, everyone's been nice and i hope it stays this way. and i'm getting too much of attention on my nice tan and my all time favourite sport, swimming. i can't deny the fact that i'm enjoying the attention but everyone seemed to tell me to teach them how to swim, which only sent me laughing before i walk away.
so anyway, i'm closing my f21 spree tonight, hopefully. i don't care if direct shipping is gonna cost more, it's gonna be shared amongst everyone anyway and there are some designs our local stores just doesnt have, which is pretty disappointing cause' i still need to wait for my items to arrive in SG, which takes approx 2 weeks.
contemplating on spreeing on VS next month, but it seems that even the sales items are super expensive. still a sucker for bikinis though. and the bad thing is that there's arena warehouse sale next month end too. VS and arena, zomg -.-
on the lighter note, sweetheart's finally done with the math paper. our future seriously lie in his hands. he's the almost perfect guy for me. i just hope he gets higher qualifications for the better future for us, in the super-realistic singapore, and so my parents would accept him too. however, i'm also tired of waiting aimlessly, and i've decided to let go if he doesn't go through. -sigh- and i hate being in such a predicament, furthermore being a pampered brat since young.
his exams are ending on 12th november, and i secretly wish 12th is tomorrow. =X i'm deprived of meeting him cause i wanted him to study at night instead of having dinner with me. i'm deprived of heart to heart talks in parks. i'm deprived of shopping around with him. i'm deprived of oxygen to breathe!
looking forward to our 50th monthsary cause it's cheapo chong pang again! and i get to sit there while he cooks everything for me!
meanwhile... to satisfy my temptations of online shopping, i shall post 2 lovely VS bikinis here =)
and so, i passed on my saturday coaching classes to another coach now that i have to work 5.5days. and then i realised that sunday coaching classes starts at 9am as well, which means i'm working 7days a week, all at 9am. i'm starting to re-consider if i should continue any coaching at all, although the additional money could buy me a longchamp bag.
but i feel my weekends have been shorten by a whole lot. yet i can't see myself leaving SLI because water's my passion, so are the kids! in a freaking dilemma now but i can't think anymore. my brain's not working, i feel so exhausted.
so far, week one of work has been good, though i felt like a sai kang warrior recieving a uni grad pay. life... i just need more retail therapy to shut me up from complaining =)
i can consider myself lucky that i've got a job after a month since results was released.
Nouvelle Events is a very very small company, but the heart of Sakae Holdings, where they get business and all the moolahs coming in. the best thing? the current office is located right beside the kitchen where i can smell sushi every single minute, and oh, the sashimi too. mmmm nice!
so anyway, i won't get to enjoy much of this cause they're moving to their own building along upper paya lebar road where everyone would not miss the HUGE GREEN FROG and the word SAKAE SUSHI on the building. and i will not be located with the kitchen staff anymore so ya, which is quite a sad thing because no more sushi smell.
i had my hair trimmed short and layered yesterday, losing a whole load of hair and the auntie even said a dustpan wasn't enough to clear the hair on the floor, which sent baby laughing like mad.
the girl whose position i'd be taking over, will leave tomorrow, which means i have one more day to learn from her. the entire office will be mine when the VP doesn't come back (she only comes back twice a week), in which it made me feel pretty stressed but well, i'm in for the challenge. the smell of sushi just make me swoon. hehe!
looking forward to work for now =).JPG)
taken at the head office at tai seng street while waiting for my sales manager to come pick me up because i was supposed to report to the old office. gahh! felt pretty much embarrassed but she was nice. and i felt like a kid =S
till then!
it's been way past my age to celebrate childrens' day while the kids in my swim school still look forward to this every year. i've been coaching for more than a year now, and there are some kids, somehow, i've learnt to shower them with more attention and love because they swim well, and look good.
i can't say i was never bias towards my students; i made sure the naughty ones receive a good thrashing from me, and i'm glad some of them have improved in their swimming strokes.
all the little kids running around here and there, somehow bring joy to their families, and the people around. but what about the unborn kids; those who didn't have a chance to see the world, be it still born, or abortion. i finished reading "the 5 people we meet in heaven" just a month ago and it made me believe that these less fortunate kids don't suffer from any pain anymore, after being taken away from the world.
we always stereotype and conclude that parents who abort their child for whatever reason; too young, no stable income, not yet completed studies, enough kids of their own etc - that these people were selfish, for getting rid of a life that belongs to them, their own flesh and blood.
but have you ever thought that by judging these people, you haven't given them a chance to explain their own reasons for killing their own child? especially mothers, they are emotionally attached to the child once the pregnancy starts on day #1. i believe they would feel the most hurt as compared to the daddies.
i now came across this situation where this young lady has no choice but to abort her child because she is unemployed. her boyfriend wouldn't agree on the last resort - abortion, but has no choice to oblige because he has to put his career at first and there would be a lot of consequences by deciding to keep the child.
i had this discussion with sweetie about this lady. he said that "this child of the young couple would never blame his/her parents because he/she would totally understand his/her dad and mum's plight." and this was when i felt so sad. it's amazing how little kids, not even a newborn, can be so understanding, and their only regret is not being able to see his/her parents smile at him/her upon giving birth to him/her.
now these are the consequences of young couples having premarital sex. no matter how careful you are, you'll never know when time comes and the baby would be yours. no career, no money, no chance to allow the kid to lead a good and planned life ahead that he/she doesn't have to worry about his/her future because daddy and mummy would pay for everything = abortion, the only choice.
many young couples regretted their decision for aborting the child even though they have no choice; life, is unpredictable.
and with this, i wish all the little kiddos a HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY.
and to all the kids who never got a chance to see the world, i hope you enjoy your childrens' day in heaven too! if "the 5 people you meet in heaven" is a true story, do stay and and wait for your daddy and mummy to die and go up, and tell them everything you wanted to. and i know one thing's for sure, "a forgiving heart" is in every child, which is sad because when one grows up, they forgot all about forgiveness.
and to baby X, remember, we all love you =)
it's the first time i'm so freaking confused, and scared.
i've made up my mind but it's the FIRST time i've made a decision and then i'm afraid i'll be making the wrong choice.
i need to talk to someone nice, and who can help me, like my mum, but i cant find the courage to.
FML
